Weigh to go Keto

Where do I even begin?  I’ve dreamt of this day.  The day I was finally ready to change my life.  I have started and stopped what seems like a thousand diets.  I’ve been thin and I’ve been average sized and I’ve been overweight.  I’ve yo-yo’d for years.  The last time I was thin, swearing I’d NEVER regain all the weight, I achieved it by merely going through a hard time and the weight just sort of fell off.  Jackpot!  Lucky me, right?  I got rid of all my “fat clothes” as inspiration.  I’ll never need those again, right?  Well, add some love, happiness, and ten pounds per year of marriage, and I was not only back where I was, I was much, much heavier than I had ever been. 

 

You know why none of those diets worked for me?  I WAS NOT READY.  No more excuses, because that is the truth.  I was not ready to change.  I wanted to still eat whatever my heart desired and be thin.  We all want that, right?  This is such a harsh truth.  I convinced myself I was ready.  Each size of pants was getting tighter and tighter and I did a great job fooling myself into thinking that this diet would be different.  I was absolutely fed up, embarrassed and tired of living that way.  I believed my own lies.  I didn’t know any better.  I thought I was sincere in starting a healthy journey.  But, as usual, I was a habitual two-weeker.  I’d do every diet for about two weeks and quit.  It was just who I was.  I would stay on track and do great and convince myself I was just going to have a little cheat meal or the opposite would happen, I would be so frustrated after a couple weeks that I’d feel like none of it was making a difference and I’d quit. 

 

In September 2017, I had two moments of humiliation.  The first, was when I was at my grandpa’s surprise birthday party.  I felt okay that day until I saw my ex’s aunt there.  I tried to remain calm, thinking she’ll stay on her side and I’ll stay on mine, no big deal.  Her husband and my grandpa drove semi-trucks together for years, hence why they were there.  Well, as soon as she spotted me, she started trying to sneak pictures of me on her phone.  She very obviously held it up snapping away, as if I didn’t have eyes.  I confronted her nicely and asked her not to take pictures of me and it’s rude to do that without someone’s permission.  She apologized but a few minutes later I caught her doing it again.  This time, my husband put a stop to it.  Although I’ve been told this was for something else, I knew deep inside that she was taking pictures to show my ex and his family because I was huge.  I was so embarrassed.  We left early. 

 

The other time was my yearly checkup at my primary care doctor that month.  She asked me if I had any interest in losing weight.  Of course I did!  But I wasn’t willing to work for it or use any sort of willpower.  We had a long discussion about why I wasn’t successful with weight loss and then she dropped a bomb on me.  She asked if I’ve considered weight loss surgery.  I scoffed.  I told her no, I’ve never thought of myself as big enough for that surgery.  Here’s where it happened.  She said very kindly and with as much sensitivity as she could muster, “Megan, you could lose 50 pounds and still be big enough for the surgery.”  I was devastated.  I felt like I had just been ran over.  It had never occurred to me that I was THAT big.  I shed some tears and signed up for a class for more information about this surgery.  I knew though, I did not want something so severe, so I did not show up.  I’m not judging anyone else who does this.  I just knew it was not my path.

 

At the end of September, my husband and I went to the beach.  This was my first vacation that I’ve ever taken an entire week off of work for.  I was excited.  During that trip, Kevin bought a book on Amazon for his iPad.  It was called, “The Obesity Code,” by Dr. Jason Fung.  This book was about the way carbs and sugar effect our bodies and how to cure this with the ketogenic diet.  It was real science.  Kevin too, had been diet yo-yoing over the years with a lot of success and a lot of failures.  We were both at the heaviest either of us had ever been.  The difference between Kevin and me?  HE was ready.  He devoured that book during our vacation.  He was so excited about the knowledge that he shared it with his dad and me.  His dad was first to jump on board.  He wanted to make a change too, having recently been put on insulin for type 2 diabetes.  As soon as we got back from South Carolina in early October, Kevin started.  And I mean he started.  He was diligent and only ate meat, vegetables, eggs, cheese, nuts and limited fruits.  I didn’t even give it a second thought.  I knew with certainty that I could not do this diet.  Up until then, I had not been eating meat on a regular basis for years.  I lived off of the carbs that he was turning his nose up at.  Sure, I loved the vegetarian staples of vegetables and fruits, but I loved pasta and potatoes more.  There was no way I could do this.

 

A couple months went by and I continued to self-destruct with food, while Kevin began to see success with food.  His dad even cured his type 2 diabetes!  Still, it wasn't enough proof for me.  I decided to get a holiday job at Macy’s.  This was the worst best idea I’ve ever had.  Although I continued to eat whatever I wanted, I was working two jobs and moving all day long, so weight started to pour off of me.  I lost around 20 pounds by the time my stint with Macy’s ended at the beginning of February.  This is what it took.  This was the push of motivation I needed.  I did not want to gain those 20 pounds back.  I worked hard at 70 hours a week to get rid of them.  So I had an idea.  What if I start eating meat?  What if I try what Kevin is doing?  I had more doubts and fears than I did confidence.  In my head, I had already told myself I was going to fail.  I thought about it for a week before I even told Kevin.  Remember, he also knows I’m a two-weeker.  But I decided to tell him in the car one Sunday on the way to the store and then swore him to secrecy.  I couldn’t have anyone knowing I was trying this because if I failed, they would know.  I eased into the conversation and told him that I was going to try to eat the way he does.  He never cast a single ounce of doubt.  He was happy for me.  He encouraged me to just try it and if I couldn’t do it, then I couldn’t do it.  End of story.  Seems simple enough, right?  So we loaded up on meats, cheeses, eggs and vegetables that day.  I went home and meal prepped more food than I have ever done in my entire life.  I made low carb lunches, dinners, breakfasts, snacks, etc.  I was really going to try and a failure to plan would likely be my doom.  And for the first time in the history of a Megan diet, I gathered all the processed carby foods from the freezer and pantry and gave them away.  I didn’t want to be near them or have the temptation.  Can we just take a moment to pause and recognize Kevin’s strength here?  Poor Kevin.  Those foods stayed the entire time he was losing weight and he was showing such amazing willpower by not touching them.  I wasn’t as strong as him though.  I wanted this diet to force me to eat the healthy food if I ever felt like failing or giving up.  Did I give away lots of money in doing this?  Probably so.  But I couldn’t afford not to. 

 

With the risk of sounding like a complete idiot, I gagged on several different meats the first few times I ate them.  It was hard.  But I force-fed myself and have for the most part, with the exception of chicken and sausage, gotten over my fear.  Cutting out sugary sweets wasn’t a hard sacrifice for me because I didn’t have a big sweet tooth.  Macaroni and cheese is my drug of choice.  I grew up loving it and up until this point, I was eating it three to four times a week. This was the hardest part for me.  I didn’t care about the sweets, the bread, the rice, the spaghetti…it was all about the macaroni and cheese.  But you know what?  I survived.  And without temptation!  At some point in those first few weeks, my body had detoxed from carbs and sugar and I no longer craved them.  It was fantastic!  This is why I always tell people, if you can do it for two weeks, you can continue and succeed, because the first two weeks are the hardest.  The withdrawals from sugar are awful.  It makes you terribly sick, but there are ways to combat it.  My “keto flu” wasn’t nearly that bad.  I just felt like I had a little brain fog and less energy.  Some people can’t get out of bed for days with actual flu-like symptoms.  I knew enough from Dr. Fung’s book though, to load up on pink Himalayan salt and electrolytes and it kept my withdrawal symptoms at a minimum.  Thank goodness!

 

Two weeks came and went.  I hadn’t quit yet.  Then four weeks came and went.  Still nothing.  I still had Kevin in a state of secrecy.  He was not allowed to breathe a word of it to anyone.  I was still too unsure of myself.  I didn’t want to announce it to our friends and family and then quit the diet and live with the embarrassment.  I wasn’t strong enough yet.  Around the five to six week mark, Kevin “let it slip” at his parents’ house that I was also on keto.  Now I have to give his parents some credit here.  By then, they had probably put it together because every time we met up for dinner I was clearly eating differently, including ordering salads at the pizza shop and peeling the bread off my baked sub.  Still, they never let on and didn’t say anything to me.  They either knew and were staying quiet or just thought, oh its Megan, she’s such a picky eater that it’s hard to tell what she’s doing this week with her food.  Either way, the cat was out of the bag.  I sort of gasped because I still wasn’t sure.  My big secret quickly fell apart at that point.  Everyone knew everything.  And then I found the strength to make a Facebook announcement.  I mean, are you truly official unless you’ve done that? 

 

So here I am, about thirteen months in, and I’ve lost roughly 80 pounds.  I’ve cheated a few times but have never once been tempted to continue the cheat into a habit.  I have no want to go back to my old way of eating.  I feel better, I look better and I’m regaining confidence.  Why would I ever go back to the sadness I was before?  The biggest argument I get from people is, “But once you start eating the normal way again, you’ll gain it all back.”  Stop for a minute.  Stop right here and think about that sentence.  Eating the “normal” way made me sick.  It made me obese, pre-diabetic, depressed and my asthma was so out of control that I was using my rescue inhaler up to six times a day and taking breathing treatments numerous times daily.  Ask yourself this, why would I EVER want that again?  That is insanity! This is my new normal.  I’m healthier, off the rescue inhaler and breathing treatments, only using my daily maintenance inhaler, no longer pre-diabetic and all my labs are great.  People who say that statement to me are not educated on the science of the ketogenic lifestyle.  Because if they were, they would know that statement is absurd.  Once I hit my goal weight I can incorporate more carbs into my daily life.  I can have a baked potato with dinner or a slice of cake at that wedding, but I cannot have it three to five times a day, every single day, like I used to.  That’s okay with me.  No one needs that much sugar or carbs. 

 

When I got around the six week mark, it dawned on me, I hadn’t quit yet.  What a strange feeling!  I even mentioned it to Kevin.  I said, can we talk honestly?  I never thought I’d make it past two weeks.  He said, “me too.”  I wasn’t mad.  I laughed because it was true.  This is the first time I’ve made it this far.  I’m not going to pretend it’s all been puppies and rainbows because it hasn’t.  I’ve had meltdowns, crying tantrums, doubt and a slew of other emotions.  I’ve questioned whether it’s working because I’m losing so much slower than Kevin, but I’ve never given up.  There are weeks I have no weight loss, but I know it will eventually come.  The numbers will eventually move if I stay the course and trust the process.

 

This was not written to promote the ketogenic diet.  It was written to provide hope to other sad and overweight people, that success is possible, when you are ready.  There is no pill, powder or potion that will make you healthy.  You have to want it more than you want the deep fried goodness and you have to work.  There are a million different diets and I’m a firm believer that one size does not fit all.  If it makes you miserable and you just can’t do it, then don’t!  Listen to your body and do what works for you.  Do your low calorie or your meal delivery diet.  Be kind to one another!  Don’t shame other people because you think their diet is ridiculous.  What’s ridiculous is taking the time out of your day to say something negative to someone that is having healthy success.  Encourage each other.  You can do it!